I had a revelation today. I was sitting in on the Post-Modern (Gender, Narratives, Culture) English lecture today and the lecturer asked, nearing the end of the class, that we would each write a few lines, beginning with “I have a dream that I” as a sort of ice-breaker and get-to-know-you exercise. I was exposed as an in-looker when my turn came but was meant to read mine anyway.
I thought it would be a noncommittal answer in which I impressed her with my talent and aspirations, but it ended up being quite personal, specifically mentioning God (as it was a good platform, especially in this class). It was something about wanting to have contentment and even if my wildest dreams came to nothing, that I could daily find cause for gratitude, make a difference in the lives of those around me, provide as happy an environment as my parents provided for me and fulfil God’s calling in my life as he would wish, which the lecturer deemed “Lovely. Quite moving, in fact.” This was a step away from her usual enthusiastic “Well good luck with those aspirations,” and I was proud to be thus distinguished, but it made me think a little more about it.
I came to the conclusion that the God I serve is a good God and there is no way he will not fulfil this dream of mine. Accustomed to dismissing all my plans for the future as dreams, and wild ones at that, it was astounding to me to discover that my ultimate aspiration is contentment, by my definition, a cause for daily gratitude—in its most modest form. And it fascinated me that after all this time, my dream is actually quite humble, and God will ensure that if I have the heart for gratitude, he is of such a nature that there is no way I could escape thankfulness I have, just under his supervision.
It is remarkably relieving that even in the interim period between jobs and while I’m unsure of the direction my life is taking, that God will grant this desire of my heart—and that he is doing so already, without, and more especially, despite my best efforts to attain it in my own way.
It’s not a feeling of having the pressure taken off, it’s like there never was any. I just feel profoundly grateful that I have this guarantee of his goodness under his grace, thankful that I cannot escape this gratitude. And herein, at the tender age of twenty, still a directionless student, God has already granted me goal I thought would be the short-lived peak of the prime of my youth and career, with the promise of a lifetime supply.
“I have a dream that I find contentment in my life. I hope to find a job/career/family situation in which I am happy and find cause daily for gratitude. If I never accomplish my wildest dreams of art, linguistics, music, fame, authoring world famous books and travelling all around the globe, I dream that I may make a difference in the lives of those around me, and produce an environment as happy as the one my parents provided for me. I want to feel I’m doing God’s calling as he would want me to.”
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